I have nothing to write about today
I just wrote out a whole draft about something I'm going through and deleted it. I think I'm coming to realize that just because I can write a compelling, emotional, probably pretty good piece about something doesn't mean I always need to post it.
I journal, but that's a separate thing. That's more for feelings dumping and talking about day-to-day things. I don't put much care into the prose there.
But what about things that I do put the time and effort into trying to make good, and then realize are a little more than I wish to share? It feels like a waste of sorts. Maybe I need to get past the idea that occasionally creating something beautiful just for myself, not for anyone else, is a waste of time and effort.
Do you know Cursive? They're an incredibly good emo band. I don't like everything I used to listen to in high school, but I completely stand by high school Megan's music taste when it comes to them. My favorite song of theirs (and also one of their most popular) is called "Art is Hard." Here are some lyrics:
Well, here we go again
The art of acting weak
Fall in love to fail
To boost your CD sales
To be clear, that's not what I think is going on here. I'm not making myself suffer in order to boost my art's popularity. I'm also not an emo musician trying to write sad lyrics. I think you all would probably get sick of my blog very quickly if I got too angsty here.
But I do think about that song whenever I turn my sadness, anxiety, or anger into a really good piece of music. Or write a more vulnerable blog post that seems to resonate with people. It's a hard balance to strike, I think. How much of myself should I share? How many of the good things and how many of the bad things?
This is why I love writing instrumental music so much, I think. I can put extremely vulnerable feelings and thoughts out into the world without anyone knowing that I'm doing so. It's a secret language of sorts.