Well, I made it a bit over halfway through Blaugust
I’m doing the thing again where I keep getting halfway through writing very vulnerable posts and then deleting them.
I don’t think Blaugust is good for that.
I think it’s better to not post anything at all for several weeks or months, and then post something aching and wistful. I think I don’t like aching and wistful pieces being just one of a series of daily posts, living among the lists of mundane day-to-day observations and recipe suggestions.
I like the aching and wistful much better than the mundane. That’s why I’m going to go back to only writing when the inspiration strikes, posting only pieces that I really care about and feel compelled to share.
I’ve seen people making posts arguing that every blog post doesn’t have to be a polished, thought-provoking piece, that they’re happy to read about people’s little day-to-day happenings, recommendations, that sort of thing. That’s all well and good, but I’m realizing it doesn’t click with me. In my quest to make my blog a little more real, I’ve accidentally made it the most inauthentic it’s ever been.
In that way, Blaugust did end up helping me, weirdly. It’s been a cool experiment, and I did make a few posts that I’m really happy with! But mostly it helped me realize what I don’t want this space to be.
Some people want their blogs to replace social media. I can now firmly say that I don’t want that for myself. I want to post my little life updates and random thoughts on Bluesky or Instagram or maybe nowhere. I want those spaces to serve a different function than this one.
I want my blog to be for flowery prose, painstakingly thought-out observations, and in-depth posts about Divinuet and my other music and dev work. I want it to be a platform for sharing art, things meticulously created with intention and care. I am allowing myself to want a space that rejects the mundane. I am allowing myself to be a bit self-serious. I am allowing myself to seem pretentious.
I don’t care what other people do with their blogs. I enjoy reading a wide variety of posts, including ones about small day-to-day things! But the nice thing about a blog is that you can make it whatever you want it to be, and man, I just really want mine to be a place for Serious Art. Even though a part of my brain is currently screaming at me: “Stop! STOP! Everyone is going to read this and think you’re insufferable!”
And maybe some people will. But lately I’ve come to the realization that, despite what my anxiety disorder constantly tries to tell me, I’m a lot happier when I stop trying to present a version of myself to the world that hides the parts of me that I think some people might find unfavorable.
Especially when it comes to things that aren’t that deep. Such as, say, having a blog that some people may think is a bit self-serious.